For You My Love
by Foxmore
Summary: A short view of Edward's mind while he was in pursuit of Victoria during "New Moon"
1. For You, My Love

**ah, emo Edward is emo. I had forgotten I even wrote this. This was written months ago in a bit of a depression episode. **

**This takes place during New Moon while Edward was off trying out is mad tracking skillz.  
**

**Enjoy! RR**

* * *

I ran uncaringly past the semibarren landscape, jumping over fences as they got in my way. Even running couldn't lift my subterranean spirits. The air was warmer and drier than were I wanted to be, but I pushed that out of my mind. I needed to do this, I felt my lip pull up over my teeth and a growl start in my chest as I thought her name. _Victoria._ I had only one purpose in my life; to keep my love, my Bella, safe. Even thought that means that I couldn't be with her. Victoria had to pay for her part in endangering her life nearly a year ago now.

The sight of pink on the horizon made me stop in my tracks. Morning again. Great. I had to find somewhere to hid during the day. If I had been farther away from any cities or towns I might not have bothered, but I couldn't risk running down these farm and market roads in full sunlight, and there were no trees around to offer any real cover. Grrr. Why would she come here? The last place a vampire would want to be is in this dry, cloudy-for-only-ten-days-out-of-the-year, west Texas. Sure there are a far few around, but having to stay locked up during the day for so many years has effected them in ways that their northern cousins weren't.

I laughed bitterly to myself. When I get close enough to hear her reasoning behind why she came here, I won't care. I will be too busy making sure she never hurt anyone again.

Luck it seemed be on my side, even if it was only to mock me. Is it really lucky to find somewhere were you can go to pieces for a few hours? I looked at the old burned out shell of a barn that happened to be in the same field that I had just walked into. My breathing was ragged, thought of course the run hadn't tired me at all. This was going to be a particularly bad day. I could feel it in the way the emptiness in my chest started to spread fiercely.

I would have to wait until dusk to resume my searching. Until then all I could do was sit here and accept what was in store for me. I pulled my leg up to myself and rested my head on my knees. Trying to prepare myself for what I knew was to come. There was no preparation I could make, though. The familiarity of the pain did not lessen it's affect. It shook through me, making my breath come in gasps.

"Oh, Bella. I pray I am doing the right thing for you." I moaned into my knees before my body grew perfectly still and I surrendered to dark waves that would drown me in my own head…

* * *

**Wasn't that fun? I have another version of this where it goes into his mind durring the day. If I get reviews asking for it I'll post it as a second chapter.**


	2. Original Freewrite

This is the free writing I did that sparked the part I previously posted. I know it is all a bit moody, but that is how I was feeling at the time. Who better to release moodyness through than Edward? I hope you enjoy it... or something xD. Please review and check out my other stories!

* * *

Morning again. Great. I found an old burned out shell of a barn that I could hide in while the sun was up. I would have to wait until dusk to resume my searching. Until then all I could do was sit here. I pulled my leg up to myself and rested my head on my knees. Trying to prepare myself for what I knew was to come. What always came when I couldn't be out there hunting the one that once hunted someone I love. My body grew perfectly still as I started to drown in my own head…

Sometimes I wish I could sleep. Though, I doubt even that could deflect from the sheer agony that consumed me now. If only I could… no. It is better for her this way. Safer. I will take any pain, any torture- for that is what it was to be without her- for her to stay safe.

Would it hurt just to check on her? To see her face again. To see if she was happy. To see if this was really the big solution that I thought it to be. She wouldn't have to know that I was there. I wouldn't do that to her. I could just… NO! You know your self better than that. One look and I wouldn't be able to make myself leave again. Soon I would be sneaking into her bedroom again. No turning point from there. I would have to touch her face. Need to have my arms around her again. Beg her to take me back.

That wouldn't be right. I mustn't put her in danger again. That's all I am. Something else would threaten her as soon as I returned to her life. Of that I was curtain. The first time I let myself indulge in my curiosity of her. Try to get to know her a little. She almost gets killed by a runaway van in the school parking lot the next morning. I managed to get her out of the way in time- though she did hit her head when I pushed her.

Then what, a mere 24 hours had passed from that day we spent in the meadow to when we were having to having to protect her from James. He should be grateful that it was my brothers that took care of him instead of me. I would have enjoyed his suffering. Punishing him one hundred fold for every pain that he brought her. But he was ended. And she was safe again. Well, safe for her. After that she managed to stay safe for almost half a year. Apart from the minor threat that she posed to her self, and the controlled yet ever present threat I was for her.

I can't think of that time. It will only weaken my already pathetic resolve to stay away. But it did end. As I had feared it would. What a party we- ok, Alice- threw. It started well enough. She was even accepting the gifts much easier than I thought that she would. Then the inevitable happened. It wouldn't have mattered if we had been anywhere else. If it had only been us. If I would have had the forethought to have wrapped the CD with a lidded box instead of wrapping paper. If, if, if. Doesn't matter. Nobody blamed Jasper for what he did. She didn't even blame him. The only person that blamed Jasper was Jasper.

Even Jasper trying to go after her wouldn't have been that bad if that was all that happened. We could have gotten him out of there, and though it probably would have taken Alice a few days to convince him, he would have come back around. Things would have been tense for a while, but it would have been ok. But that didn't happen. In my haste to get her out of his path I had knocked her into those plates. Glass everywhere. Along with her blood.

What good was I if I couldn't even be there with her and hold her hand while Carlisle stitched her arm. I didn't dare let myself even breath while I was there. Yet again. I was the greatest threat to her. I couldn't keep putting her in harms way. That is why I am here, so very, very far away from my heart.

Dully I noticed that the sky had already darkened considerably. I jumped down from my lonely perch to continue my hunt. Victoria would never set to hurt my love again. I am going to see to that.


End file.
